000 - Trailer for Parenting the Intensity
Parenting the Intensity ·
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Transcript
Welcome to Parenting the Intensity, where we'll talk all about how we can drop the general parenting advice that doesn't work with our emotionally intense kids anyway, and let go of the unrealistic expectations society puts on us as parents. Together, we'll find solutions and ideas that work for you and your kids. Chances are, deep down, you know what they need. But you need a little encouragement to keep going on harder days, and permission to do things differently, and help you fully trust that you already are a wonderful parent to your exceptional but challenging kids.
Today is the intro, so it will be short, but I also want to keep most episodes short, as I know we don't have much time. So today we'll define what's an emotionally intense kid, and what it means to have one, or many, for us parents. And of course, what this podcast will be about. And I'll introduce myself for those of you who don't know me yet. So what's an emotionally intense kid? First, there's more than one kind of kids that are emotionally intense. It doesn't mean a kid that cries all the time, although that can be. But you mostly know that already. The thing that they all have in common is that they feel everything deeply. But they can react very, very differently. Most will have intense outbursts that feel that they're out of nowhere. But their outbursts will look different from one another. They don't want to have the same reaction, they want to have the same way to calm down. Some will calm down by themselves very shortly, like fast. Some will need lots of help and time to calm down. Their triggers are different, and their sensitivity to different stimuli is very different. And yeah, the way to help them calm down and help them control or lift through their feeling is very different from one kid to another. Some of them might have some trouble in school or daycare.
You might have call one a day, maybe more, from school, or they can be total fly on the wall when they're out of their house. But nothing seems to work with those kids, like not of the general parenting advice, and sometimes they can even make things worse. So for us as parents, what does that mean? First, it means that it's emotionally exhausting. We need to have a lot of self-control to not put oil on the fire when things go out the window, because it's triggering a lot of the time and firing. We're also very easily overwhelmed because of it, and because we worry, we wonder what to do with them. And because we've tried everything, more than one. We tried again and again, and we've went to parenting classes and even avaraged coaches and read all the books and blogs and podcasts. Might be why you're here. But nothing seems to work. No matter how hard we try, it doesn't work. So that makes us feel like failure. And it's normal that we feel like failure when nothing is working. Like we're seeing everywhere that that's what we should be doing when our kids are not behaving correctly, air quotes. But it's not working. So, of course, we're the problem, right? No. We're not the problem. They're not the problem. The advice is the problem. It's not the right one for them. And if you have like regular kids, air quotes again, those advice might work with those kids and you're like, why is not working? And that makes maybe gives you some more confidence that it's not you, because you know it's working with one kid. But then it's still not working with the other one. So what's going on? Is it the kids fault?
Again, no. It's the advice fault. It's just not the right way for those kids. With those kids, most of the time we need to play detective because there's not one universal answer. There's not one universal cause. We need to find what's going on to be able to find the right thing for them. And the reality is that when we live through that, we live in fear of those unpredictable outbursts. We live in fear of how our kids will grow up, how they will deal with life. And that's overwhelming and emotionally exhausting. And we know our kids are not doing it on purpose. I mean, we know that they're struggling, but it's so hard to remember that in the heat of the moment and stay calm and not put oil on the fire because it's emotionally exhausting and overwhelming. And to make things worse, most people outside of our closed circle just don't get it or don't believe us. If we have a fly on the wall kind of kids, people are like, yeah, you have a perfect kids. What are you complaining about? They don't get it because the kids have outbursts just with us and how in our house most of the time, because that's the only place they feel safe to express their emotion and let go of all the buildup stress. And if you have a kid that acts out, most likely you're judged a lot by people outside of your closed circle and they don't get it and they think it's your fault, which adds to the feeling of failure. So if that sounds like a reality, you're one of us.
Welcome to the club you've always been in without really knowing you were not holding it. So in this podcast, the first goal is to make you feel like you're not a failure because you're not. To give you permission to trash what's not working without any guilt, no matter who told you to do it. To make you feel supported and part of a community of other parents that do get it. To help you find solution to your everyday reality by offering out of the box ideas and reflection. I want to bring on guests with different backgrounds to share inventive and inventive and different solution and invite you, the parents of emotionally intense kids to come share your struggles and your win with other parents so we can all be inspired by each other and feel less alone in that journey. We're all in it together. So let's find some harmony in the intensity. And before we end I wanted to introduce myself shortly.
So I'm anubriar de Gou, which is a French Canadian that explains the accent and the English mistakes. I'm a mom of three emotionally intense kids, two teens and a preschooler. We're living with them, my husband and I, in the country, we also have an intense dog. I'm a degree in social work, and I've been supporting parents and different capacities for 15 years. I'm also a documentary photographer, and I use photography as a parenting and mindfulness tool, and that made me a better mom, quite frankly, I'll go into details about that another day. I decided to refocus my parenting support services to parents of emotionally intense kids. When I realized that I only add kids that fit that description, and I mostly work with parents of kids with all kinds of special needs over the years, and rarely, I quote, normal kids. If you're into personality tests, it's almost a hobby of mine. I'm a support ENFG alchemist, and I'm also fostering, I'm also all about fostering safe community, promoting imperfection. And I truly believe that we are all beautifully different in our own ways and that everyone deserves to be supported as they are, and with what they need. Next month, or maybe a little more frequently, we'll see, we'll get some thought provoking and comforting exchange and reflection on mainstream parenting and different ways to parent. So we can put things into perspective, redefine what parenting means to you and your kids, and finally enjoy your family life without constant fear of the next outburst. We're all in this together. The podcast will start soon. So in the meantime, subscribe to get the episode as soon as they drop. Share about it with other parents of emotionally intense kids and come join me on Instagram at parenting the intensity to get the latest updates. Or on my parenting support service website at familymoments.ca. Can't wait to get to know you. I'm so glad you joined me today and took that time out of your intense life to focus on finding a new way to parent that works for you and your kids. To get the episode as soon as they drop, make sure to subscribe to the podcast, and please left a rating and review so other parents can find it too. Also, check out all the free resources on my website at familymoments.ca so you can take action on what's the most important for you right now. And take a deep breath, keep going. We're all in this together.