039 - Preventing Teen Substance Abuse - With Richard Capriola

Welcome to the podcast. Today we will be addressing something that is a fear of so many parents. Drug use. And I know some of you have little kids and it's far but it's something the way we will talk about it is something that we start today to plan for in some way and to work on preventing. And I wanted to address that topic because it's so important to do things ahead of time because once we're there it's kind of too late or not too late because it's not doomed but it's hard to go back and we're not talking about like

recreational testing things that adolescent will do but when drug use becomes a problem and I wanted to address that especially because some of emotionally and timeskid are more at risks to use drug in a way that's a problem and use it to self -medicate if they're not taking care of or supported properly when they're younger. So even if it's a hard topic please don't put your end in this end and think that it's for later. What we're talking about is prevention. So it starts today. And to talk to us about that we have Richard Capriola. He has been a mental health and substance abuse counselor for over two decades. He treated both teens and adults diagnosed with mental health and substance use issues for over a decade at Meninger Clinic in Houston, Texas, and he is the author of The Addicted Child a Parent's Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse. Let's welcome Richard over on the podcast.

Welcome to Parenting the Intensity, where we'll talk all about how we can drop the general parenting advice that doesn't work with our emotionally intense kids anyway, and let go of the unrealistic expectations society puts on us as parents. Together we'll find solutions and ideas that work for you and your kids. Chances are, deep down, you know what they need. But you need a little encouragement to keep going on harder days, and permission to do things differently, and help you fully trust that you already are a wonderful parent to your exceptional but challenging kids. Do you read all the things, listen to all the things, take all the courses and you know a lot of things about parenting but you struggle to actually apply them in your real life ? Then you're in luck I just started the Parenting the Intensity community which is a monthly group support for parents of emotionally intense kids and the goal is exactly that to take all the information you learn from the podcast and from all the other sources and adapt them so that it works for your child and your family, your reality because things can work but not always the same way for everybody so the same thing might need to be adapted to work for you and

sometimes it's hard to sort through everything to choose the right things that so that you can really enjoy your life and your kids not always being afraid of the next outbursts. You can join by clicking on the link in the show notes or on the website. Welcome, Richard, to the podcast. I hope you're well today.

Oh, thank you so much. It's a pleasure to be here with you. And I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me today about this topic.

Yeah, so I think it's a topic that is a bit different than what we generally talk about, but I think it's very important. and it's something that lots of parents, even with really young kids worry already. Drug use is a big topic and a big, big scare for so many parents. And I love that we can address that, especially because some our kids might be more at risk than others will address that.

Definitely.

And I think it is an issue that scares many parents. And my goal and what I try to do is to help parents become less afraid and more educated and more confident about what can be a very scary topic, kids using drugs. It's scary for parents. And unfortunately, because they're scared, they often want to stay away from it. But

I

think knowledge is power. And the more parents are informed about what's going on and what to look for, I think they feel more confident that if they have to deal with this issue, they hope they never have to. But if they do, they feel more confident that they can deal with it. And that that's really, I think, very important.

Yeah, definitely. That's a very good point. And why are you doing that? Well,

I'm doing

this because I worked for over a decade at Menninger Clinic in Houston, Texas, which is a large psychiatric hospital. And during my time there as an addictions counselor, I would meet with families whose children were at the hospital because of using drugs and having psychological issues. And I would sit across from the families and I would go through their child's history of using a substance, what drugs they were using, how early did they start, and what diagnosis did they receive. And when I finished, they would look across at me and they would say, I had no idea this was going on. Or if they did suspect their child was using a substance, they might say, I sort of knew something was going on, but I didn't think it was this bad. And these are good parents. These are very good parents doing the best job they can. They missed the warning signs because nobody told them what to look for.

So

after I retired from Menninger Clinic,

I wanted to put my book together, which runs only about 100 pages, because I know parents are busy, you

don't have

time to read volumes of information. So I kept it to around 100 pages, but I wanted to pack it with a lot of information that I hope parents will find useful and helpful, including the warning signs.

Yeah. And I think that's very important to what you said is often in the social view, we think that kids that are addicted to substances, they are bad kids from bad families. And for that reason, when you don't come from one of those families, you don't suspect maybe as fast as you should.

Yeah, or you begin to think, you know, this, this can't happen to me.

Yeah,

you know, this happens to other kids. This doesn't happen here. And, and, and, and I can tell you, it doesn't matter where you live, urban, rural or suburban area. It doesn't matter what your level of income is. It doesn't matter what school you send your child to or what church you may attend. Every child is vulnerable to being captured by these drugs.

And think that's important because there's often so much judgment put on those families. Yeah. And that's one of the reasons people don't talk about it and don't look at that. And because we don't talk about it, then the kids are wrong at risk. So

that's true. And there are so many different reasons why kids turn to substances. But important that parents learn as much as they can about this, particularly, you know, I would say this for all parents, but I think especially for parents of kids who are in their preteen years, starting very early to become informed about what's going on and and to learn what is parents they can do to cut down the risk that their child may get captured by these drugs.

And do parents can do starting at early years and like not, not waiting for the child to be already using because for kind of a step too late? What can we do? Of course, we're not going to prevent that 100%. But what can we do to lower the risk? And

that's exactly what you want to do. You want to lower their risk. There is no 100 % safety. All children are vulnerable to getting captured by drugs. So what as a parent can I do to cut down the risk, to cut down the probability? And I would say the first thing you can do is become more informed about what's out there. What's out there? Parents know about alcohol and drugs, that's pretty common, but they may not be aware of some of the other drugs that are

out there, so

I want them to become better informed of what's actually out there on the street that these kids might have access to. Second, I would encourage them to learn a little bit about the adolescent brain, because the adolescent brain doesn't become fully developed until around age 24 or 25, and that's why it's so risky and dangerous for these young kids to get involved with substances, the potential damage that it can do

to their developing brain. I would say also learn the warning signs so you know what to look for so you don't get caught off guard. You know what to look for. You know what to pay attention to and what to do if you notice anything. I think the most important thing, particularly if your child is very young, that you can do is start to develop

open, honest communication with your child. Learn to listen to your child. You know, we're good at listening to each other's words, so that when we're talking, we're good at listening to what people are saying to us. We're good at hearing the words. We're not so good at hearing the feelings underneath those words.

And

that's a skill that every parent can practice and every parent can learn, so that when we're talking to our children, We're not just hearing their words, we're hearing the feelings behind those words, and we're reflecting them back to the child, so that if so that what we think we're hearing is correct, and we're giving the child the opportunity to give us feedback. Now that's a that's a skill that takes practice,

but

it's a skill that every parent can learn so that when you're talking to your young child, you're learning to listen not just to their words, but to their feelings. And then you start to develop that relationship where the child feels that they're being heard and that they're being understood. And that can pay off dividends as they get into their teen years.

Definitely, because keeping an open line of conversation of communication with teen is not the hardest thing to start at a teen years.

Yeah, you want to start is I mean, you can develop it at any age.

Yeah,

but you but if your child is preteen, that's a good time to

start. I think it's always a good idea. But definitely, if it's not already established, it's it's a good time to start there. And

takes work and it takes practice. Don't get frustrated if it doesn't immediately seem like you're making progress or the

child

isn't interested or not working on it. Keep at it. It eventually will pay

dividends.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And that ties to a lot of the things that we're talking about on the podcast. And that's one of the reason I wanted you on, because I think we often think it's a problem for tomorrow. Like when we have a younger child, we think we'll worry about that when they're teens, but there's foundation that we can set up earlier that will lower the risk. So hope

you -

And that foundation can work out in later years. So you have young children, pre -teenagers, start to build that communication foundation now, build that trust. You know, listen to your child's feelings, reflect back to them and try to develop that relationship that's built on open communication and trust. You can do it. You can do it.

Yeah, yeah. And why would some teens turn to drug or alcohol?

There's all kinds of reasons, there's no one simple answer that applies to all children. Some kids get involved in alcohol and drugs because their peers are using alcohol and drugs and they're running around with their peers and they want to fit in. Some kids get involved because they feel pressured by friends to get involved in it. Unfortunately, too many kids get involved with substances as a way to medicate an underlying emotional disorder.

The

example I would give you is that

many

of the teenagers that I worked with when I was at Menninger Clinic who were smoking marijuana, and they were smoking marijuana frequently, When I asked them to help me understand why they were smoking so much marijuana, the number one answer they came back was, it me with my anxiety.

It

helps me with my anxiety. So for some kids, not all, but for some kids, there's an underlying mental health issue that they are using a substance to medicate.

It

might be anxiety, it might be depression, It might be some type of trauma, maybe being bullied at school that parents knew nothing about.

It might be any number of disorders. And unfortunately, those disorders often get unrecognized. We focus on the alcohol and drugs because that's obvious,

but

we miss that there may be an underlying emotional issue that that child's using a substance to medicate. And if that's true, that needs to be diagnosed and treated as well. And that's why I say to parents, if you discover your child is using a substance, make sure that you get a comprehensive psychological assessment to either rule in or rule out if there are any underlying psychological issues that your child might be confronting. because if there are, chances are they're using that substance to medicate that issue. And if so, that needs to be treated as well.

And think that relates really well to a lot of things like we often with kids that are emotionally intense, which we are all about. And on this podcast, often we focus on the behavior is just the tip of the iceberg. We're looking for what's behind the behavior. I don't think it's the same.

And we see that in kids that are diagnosed with ADHD, for example, kids diagnosed with ADHD have a higher percentage of risk of getting involved in substances. And unfortunately, sometimes that struggle that they have, that ADHD struggle gets undiagnosed. But within that population, there is a higher probability that that child will be using a substance to medicate the ADHD.

What effect does the substance will have on an ADHD that is not mitigated or not appropriately mitigated?

It's sort of like, you know, why are they using it for anxiety, it sort

of

helps calm down, you know, that what's going on in the mind, whether it's anxiety or ADHD symptoms, it sort of helps the child, you know, deal with that a little bit better doesn't take it away.

But it

helps the child cope a little bit better with it. And once they find out that a substance like marijuana helps them, they're more likely to continue to

use it. Yeah, as like everything in life, when we find a solution to something, we tend to repeat it. Right.

And they're not equipped because of their brain development. They're not equipped to think through the disadvantages and advantages of using it. They're, they're like adults, in many ways, if we have an uncomfortable thought or feeling or memory, we're not going to sit with it, we're going

to find

a way to get rid of it. And sometimes you get rid of it through through a substance like marijuana or

alcohol. Yeah, definitely. And this is very important that lots of adults are the same. And have better coping mechanism also. But we might not. We all have sorts of ways to make things go away. And yes, better. So yeah, so it's just another of those

ways, basically,

it is it is.

And we were talking earlier about the warning signs. So what would be something that the parents should look for? Well,

I think that's really important. And that's why in my book, I have warning signs for a child that might be using alcohol,

I

have warning signs for a child that might be smoking marijuana. And I included warning signs for a child that might be developing an eating disorder or self injuring, because sometimes those will accompany a child using a substance. So it's important that parents know what those warning signs are and what to look for. As a general rule, what I say to parents is pay attention to the changes that you see in your child. You know your child better than anyone. So pay attention to the changes that you see. Don't assume that the changes are just adolescent acting out behavior. They may very well be that.

They

might also be an indication that there's something else going on underneath the surface that you as a parent need to be aware of. Some examples would be a child whose grades are starting to decline. A child who used to enjoy participating in extracurricular activities no longer is interested in doing so.

A child who used to introduce you to their friends now becomes very secretive of who their friends are. A child who becomes very secretive about where they've been and what they have been doing. And then of course, you know, if you smell any unusual odors in the house, or you find any paraphernalia, those are obvious warning

signs. So

pay attention, pay attention to any changes that you see in your child and, and sort of investigate as to why you may be seeing those changes. And, and have a conversation with your child, and have the conversation be, you not, not threatening, not accusing. But basically, I'm seeing these kinds of changes in you, and they concern me, can you help me understand why I'm seeing them,

and

invite the child to be able to, to talk to you about your fears about those changes. So you're, you're, you're not focusing on them, you're focusing on yourself. And you're saying, I'm seeing these changes and I'm concerned, can you help me understand what's going on?

Yeah. And then you're not jumping on, are you using this or that? You're opening and also you're focusing on finding the underlying reason and not the like, anything that would be basically the behavior of using something

Exactly. Because if you accuse the child or you threaten the child, they're immediately going to withdraw.

And that's not

going to get you anywhere. But if you keep the focus on you, and what your fears are, and what your concerns are about the behavior that you're seeing, you're more likely to get some feedback

from them. Yeah, which is what we were talking about. If it we started using those kinds of ways to talk with your children before, and it makes it much more easy than if you start on that spot. The child might not answer at all.

Probably won't you're right.

And if ever we suspect, so you said, talking with them, is there under, if, like we, we have the

confirmation from them or from some personalia, like something is clear, what would be the first step? Would it be to have an psych eval? Or?

Yeah, the first, the first thing you should do is get a comprehensive assessment. What I mean by a comprehensive assessment is you certainly will need a substance abuse assessment from an addictions counselor or somebody who can do that assessment. But you also will need a psychological, a comprehensive psychological assessment to rule in or rule out if your child is struggling with any psychological issues. So you immediately want to get some assessments done from professionals that will help you be able to either rule in or rule out what diagnosis your child has. If they do have a diagnosis, what would be the treatment plan? What are the recommendations? If you don't know where to get these assessments done, I would suggest you start with talking to the school counselor or the school social worker or the school psychologist. Many of them can do some of these assessments for you, and if not, they can refer you to people in the community who can get them done. But, but the main point is, if you suspect your child is using a substance, or there's something going on, get the professional assessments done so that you can get the knowledge and the information that you need to make your decisions.

Yeah. And as you were listing, the ways a child might change lots of those signs also point to things like anxiety or depression. So even if it's not an addiction of any substance, it's totally relevant to have them assessed anyway.

Absolutely, absolutely. And the earlier we diagnose something, the earlier we find out about a problem, the quicker we can begin treatment, and hopefully get it resolved sooner.

Yeah, definitely. Is there anything else that you wanted to add that we didn't touch on?

Just that I know this can be a scary topic for parents. And I would encourage them to learn as much as they can about it. If they have pre teenage children, start to develop those communication patterns with your child to build that communication and that level of trust. If they're older, you can still begin with that process. But I think the most important thing is learn the warning signs, learn what to do if you suspect your child might be using a substance.

Don't become paranoid, don't become afraid of this topic. It is scary, but we know that early intervention and treatment, if it's needed,

I

read it and I'm not in the US, so some of the content was not necessarily relevant to everybody like any, but anywhere else, because there's some part that are specific to treatments that are different in different countries. But there's a lot of content that is still very relevant, no matter where we live. And so I really encourage people to get your book. And it's a great introductory book, to demystify drugs and all of that we talked about today, but much more stuff, of course, in the book too.

And I would also recommend, you know, that people go to the book's website, which is www .helptheaddictedchild .com. They can order the book from there if they want it, which is available in Kindle or paperback.

But there's also some blog articles that I've posted. And one of them is 10 tips that you can use to check in on your child's mental health. They're very quick, very simple, especially for young children.

You

can use these tips to check in on your child's mental health. For example, one of them is you simply ask your child, if your feelings were weather, what kind of a day would it be outside?

And, you know, and there's some other questions along those that help you be able to do it. But it's, but it's a very simple question that might give you some information, you know, if, if, you know, and, you know, it just helps. And you don't have to do it every day, just every once in a while, take one of those tips. Ask your child and see what you get back.

Yeah, I love that. It's very practical also. And it helps because sometimes feeling are so on, like on touchable, if you will. And so it's hard for younger kids to express how they feel. And but if they can relate that to rain or storm or sun is definitely more concrete. Yeah,

absolutely. And it may open up the door to a conversation as to why are you feeling that way? Why do you think it's such a

dreary time? Tell me more about that. I'm curious.

Love that simple tip. So again, lots of useful things on the blog. Is there any resource that you find useful that you would like to share with the community?

My book has resources in it but one of them that I like very much is Newport Academy. If you go to the Newport Academy website, you will see a lot of parent resources, a lot of family resources and a lot of articles that I think parents can find very helpful so the website is Newport Academy.

Great. We'll add that and of course the link for your book and your website in the show notes.

Great. Thank you.

So thank you very much for being here tonight, Richard. It was a pleasure to talk to you.

I really appreciate you taking time to talk to me and participating in the discussion with your thoughtful questions. And I hope everyone who listens to us finds a little bit of information that they might find helpful. So thank you for inviting me to the program.

Thank you very much. I'm so glad you joined me today and took that time out of your intense life to focus on finding a new way to parent that works for you and your kids. To get the episodes as soon as they drop, make sure to subscribe to the podcast and please leave everything in review so other parents can find it too. Also check out all the free resources on my website at familymoments .ca so you can take action on what's the most important for you right now. And take a deep breath, keep going. We're all in this together.