037 - Safety for Your Intense Child and Yourself with Carrie Conrad

Parenting the Intensity · Mar 12, 2024

Transcript

SPEAKER_00

00:00:00

Welcome to the podcast. Today we are addressing a very special topic that you probably haven't heard a lot about. It's what to do when our kids are physically putting us or themselves in danger, like in the moment of intense meltdowns where they are eating, kicking, biting, or running away from us or doing things that are really unsafe. How to deal with that in a moment when often we cannot just wait it to pass. And to do that, we are welcoming Carrie Conrad from Beating Disaster. She empowers mom to be and feel safe. And what she does, she has a membership called Mama Bear Prepared, and it's based on her lifetime of professional and personal experience, where she helps moms sleep well, knowing they are capable of protecting parenting their children and raising them to be safe in today's world. So let's welcome Kerry over on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00

00:01:10

Welcome to Parenting the Intensity, where we'll talk all about how we can drop the general parenting advice that doesn't work with our emotionally intense kids anyway, and let go of the unrealistic expectations society puts on us as parents. Together, we'll find solutions and ideas that work for you and your kids. Chances are, deep down, you know what they need. But you need a little encouragement to keep going on harder days and permission to do things differently and help you fully trust that you already are a wonderful parent to your exceptional but challenging kids. Do you read all the things, listen to all the things, take all the courses and you know a lot of things about parenting but you struggle to actually apply them in your real life? Then you're in luck.

SPEAKER_00

00:02:09

I just started the Parenting the Intensity community, which is a monthly group support for parents of emotionally intense kids. And the goal is exactly that, to take all the information you learn from the podcast and from all the other sources and adapt them so that it work for your child and your family, your reality, because things can work, but not always the same way for everybody. So the same thing might need to be adapted to work for you. And sometimes it's hard to sort through everything to choose the right things that so that you can really enjoy your life and your kids not always being afraid of the next outbursts. You can join by clicking on the link in the show notes or on the website.

SPEAKER_00

00:02:57

So welcome Kerry, I'm really glad to have you over. Today is a question that is hard for a lot of parents, so I'm really glad that you're going to address that. Um, so first let, let us know a little bit more of like who you are and why you do what you do.

SPEAKER_03

00:03:20

Um, my name is Carrie Conrad and I empower moms with prevention, protection, and defense. What moms think they need and what we actually need generally are not the same. So it's a real privilege and pleasure to be able to help moms with all the things they didn't know they needed to know about keeping safe. And I love the question that you discussed, because it's one of them. They're like, I need to be safe from strangers. Well, you're not wrong. But some of us have different concerns, like your question.

SPEAKER_00

00:03:53

Yeah, yeah, because I got that question, at least like one really specifically that question and some similar questions. But sometimes with emotionally intense kids, they can get physical, they can bite, they can kick, they and it can get dangerous. And there's like, it's very hard to deal with that. Like, how do you deal with your child being dangerous, like, against yourself, or another sibling or another child in the room, or for themselves like being like, I had my son when he was really little run down the street because he was so mad and I had to grab him and to I could not let him do that, you know, but then you're forcing the kids and you feel bad because you know, you should not restrain them. And yeah, it's a lot. You can help us with that today.

SPEAKER_03

00:04:46

We kind of talked a little bit about before we started

SPEAKER_03

00:04:50

recording, which is, you it's just what it is. But sometimes it is appropriate to restrain. That's not what we want to do but few and far between it is and it's it's more like on specific children. It's not appropriate for all children but it's necessary for a few children and for those children that it's necessary, it's necessary in a few circumstances.

SPEAKER_00

00:05:18

So that's not the norm. That's not what we want to be doing. We don't want to

SPEAKER_03

00:05:20

be restricting and controlling our kids. Despite Despite what we want to believe is like parents come to me because like right you do emotionally intense kids and I do physical safety, I really talk about staying safe, including from our own kids. So, this is about parents come to me because they want to control their kids. Everybody wants control, everybody wants control. But as you start getting into my world when it comes to physical safety, and people are children being emotionally dysregulated or not in control of themselves. Oddly enough, we give control to gain control. It make any sense but it's a fact. It's just what it

SPEAKER_03

00:06:03

is and it sounds so counterintuitive and people don't want to do it. Parents are like but I'm the parent. It's I, you know, it's my, it's my way and it's my turn and I listen to my parents and my kids should listen to me and it's like, well, yeah, worked on you but if you're working on your kids. If it works, work it.

SPEAKER_00

00:06:19

It's not, you know what

SPEAKER_03

00:06:19

I mean? I never want to take something from a parent. But when parents come to me, they might have a black eye and all of a sudden, you're pretty willing to listen because it is so shameful to be running around with that like, it sucks when it's on your face

SPEAKER_03

00:06:37

when you have bruises and you're beat up. But even if you don't have like physical symptoms, we're still running around with the shame of being in an abusive relationship that we can't leave.

SPEAKER_00

00:06:49

Yeah. Yeah. Because we cannot leave that child and it's not, yeah. And I, like, I think it's very, might need to pause for a second because people will never probably see that as an abusive relationship when it's coming from our own children, especially if it's little children. Um, it's not clear

SPEAKER_03

00:07:09

really quickly to be clear, fighting, hitting, kicking, all of that in the toddler years, it is developmentally appropriate.

SPEAKER_01

00:07:17

And let me tell you, if you're a

SPEAKER_03

00:07:19

mom watching this and you're like, I don't think this is normal, it's probably not normal. It's if you as a mom feel that way, if other people are telling you about your kids, well, don't worry about it. It really has to do with your intuition. Like, you know. But so like we start to have a clue in the toddler age that like, hey, I think this is more than what that book was talking about. Cause it's like biting and hitting and the way that they're talking about it, okay, it fits, but it doesn't feel like it covers it. And it doesn't feel like it covers it cause it doesn't.

SPEAKER_03

00:07:53

It's talking about developmentally appropriate behavior. And we're talking about intense and more.

SPEAKER_00

00:08:00

SPEAKER_03

00:08:00

it's normal when it's normal, but it's not normal when it's not normal. And if you're not sure, wait until they're five or six and

SPEAKER_00

00:08:06

then

SPEAKER_03

00:08:06

you'll know whether or

SPEAKER_00

00:08:08

not it's normal. Because we're getting

SPEAKER_03

00:08:09

out, we're transitioning into, you know, I don't like to shoot on people, but we're transitioning into like, you should know better, you

SPEAKER_02

00:08:17

know,

SPEAKER_00

00:08:18

yeah, like kids, I would say starting around probably four or five, they should stop those behaviors. If they're still doing that, there's something to address. And yeah, even like even younger kids that would do that all the time, there's something to address beyond like under that. And you start, you told like talk about emotional regulation and we had already a few guests talking about that and I like it's something that we talk all the time about yeah over here and so yeah like those kids that are biting and kicking we might have to restrain them at some point but ultimately we want to help them regulate in some other ways before they get to that point so we don't have to restrain them as often and I think that's the important part also is that we will will we need to help them regulate, but I like, we have that topic is covered in many other episodes. So I don't want to go there today. Even though I'm sure you would be able to share with us a

SPEAKER_00

00:09:18

lot about that too. But nobody else addressed that. How do I deal with it when it happens? Like, how do I do

SPEAKER_03

00:09:27

when it hits the fan? Right?

SPEAKER_00

00:09:30

Yeah. When they're kicking when they're like most people will say like we just wait and until like but that sometimes we cannot wait sometimes it's too aggressive we cannot just wait for it to go well it doesn't

SPEAKER_03

00:09:43

like the the what it depends on is not like the aggressiveness because if a kid is breaking something because it's aggressive rather than an accident true i still do wait yeah true

SPEAKER_01

00:09:55

you know like

SPEAKER_03

00:09:56

i have therapist, they pay me to come in and teach the parents how to disarm a fork from their child. You know what I'm going to do if a child has a fork and is threatening me with it? I'm not charging in to take the fork, that's for sure. That's what people want me to teach them, but it's like, do you want to get stabbed with a fork? Because

SPEAKER_01

00:10:14

if you go in, you're probably going to

SPEAKER_03

00:10:16

get stabbed with a fork.

SPEAKER_01

00:10:17

You know, and it's

SPEAKER_03

00:10:18

like, but I need to control my child. No, like you said, no, we need to teach our child another way to communicate. We need to teach our held another way of getting needs met. That's the actual need,

SPEAKER_01

00:10:30

but okay. So right here, right now,

SPEAKER_03

00:10:31

that's not an option.

SPEAKER_03

00:10:32

What do we do? Preventative measures. If you know, your kid's going to grab a fork, well, then pay attention before they grab the fork. You

SPEAKER_01

00:10:42

know

SPEAKER_03

00:10:42

what I mean? If your kid throws stuff and breaks things, well, replace like, how about this? If they break the TV, don't replace the TV until your child has come on, you know, understands the consequences. Like, don't go buy another TV and then get mad that your kid threw something and broke a second TV.

SPEAKER_03

00:11:04

If your child breaks a third TV, now we're looking at the parent. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01

00:11:09

It's

SPEAKER_03

00:11:10

like,

SPEAKER_01

00:11:11

who's

SPEAKER_03

00:11:11

the adult here?

SPEAKER_01

00:11:13

Somebody

SPEAKER_03

00:11:13

needs to be the adult and it really sucks. It's me. I

SPEAKER_01

00:11:18

mean,

SPEAKER_03

00:11:18

I literally have a group, just so we can be like, I'm an adult and I have to make the changes and I have to be responsible and this behavior is terrible and it is and you're right and it's okay.

SPEAKER_00

00:11:30

You're

SPEAKER_03

00:11:30

right.

SPEAKER_00

00:11:31

Yeah, it's hard. It's changes that are very hard. And like, just a TV example, it like, yeah, makes sense. But at the same time, it's so hard because it's just normal to replace the TV when the TV breaks. Like, it's not something that we will necessarily think twice at not doing.

SPEAKER_00

00:11:45

But there are consequences. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

00:11:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

00:11:49

The natural consequences. Hey, trust me. I love it when you watch Daniel the Tiger too. I want you to watch Daniel. I need you to watch Daniel the Tiger, but you broke the TV and now we don't have a TV and I'm not willing to buy another TV until I'm sure that it's not going to break. So for them to be without for a while, you know, obviously

SPEAKER_01

00:12:10

a window's

SPEAKER_03

00:12:10

a window and it's getting cold. We're not to you know, I mean like that needs to be done, but it's okay if they have broken toys. It's okay if they're without a tablet and if they're breaking their stuff for sure, don't replace it. You know, wait until they ask, hey, can you buy me another one? Oh, I'd love to. I just, I just want to, if you remember what happened in the last one, I'm just not willing to buy another one if

SPEAKER_03

00:12:33

that's what it is. And then it's an, it's a conversation. Sometimes we think our kids are too young, who is too young to talk about getting what they want? You know what I mean? No, we do get to a point where kids are so young that they don't know what they're committing to or, you know, and I, I do not want this to be misunderstood to me saying that it's a club to use over their head to be like, I'm not because you did this. No, it's about like, I want to buy you a new TV. I want to I'm just not ready until I can feel safe knowing that that TV is not going to get broken

SPEAKER_00

00:13:11

again.

SPEAKER_00

00:13:11

Yeah. And I think that's the important part. And the important distinction between we can like support them in those really hard moments and be there for them. And still not accepting. Yeah, we can understand what they're going through. But it doesn't mean that we wipe things and we let them do anything that they want still. We that the natural consequences of things will still apply. And we but we cannot just let the natural consequences apply. We need to help them do better next time also.

SPEAKER_03

00:13:48

Yes. But the thing is, is like we just feel so bad. And like I said, I really need my kids to watch Daniel the tiger. And it's like, you the tiger, they're learning emotional regulation with Daniel the tiger. Like I need to watch Daniel the Tiger. Well, you know, like, yeah, just need to figure something else out. Because it's this is an opportunity. Again, it's not for shaming. It's not for blaming. It's not for it's not to be like, yeah, I wish we could watch TV. But guess who broke it? Like, that's not

SPEAKER_02

00:14:16

what we're

SPEAKER_03

00:14:17

that's not at all. It's just about and it allows me the opportunity for one of my kids says I really want to watch Daniel the Tiger. And I said, man, I can't imagine I you know, I want you to watch Daniel the Tiger too. And then I get to be there and offer emotional support.

SPEAKER_03

00:14:33

So now we're talking about breaking stuff. It's different. So we know we're not going to restrain when it comes to breaking things. We're going to do workarounds and teach our kids different skills around breaking stuff. But now we're talking about, okay, they're hitting and kicking. What are they hitting and kicking? You know, if you have two kids, that's a lot different than if you have one.

SPEAKER_02

00:14:58

Because if

SPEAKER_03

00:14:58

we have one kick, all right, you know, like now we only have to worry about it on a play date. And that's really easy. Um, you know, we actually have a safety plans for like specific incidences, um, in some of it's hard not to go into it. So it's like, there's a mama bear membership, which is all these things that we don't know that we need to know. And like the, a lot of the stuff that we're talking about are in there. And it's like specific examples. So, but it's really difficult to articulate in just a few minutes. Other than like I said, just know that restraint is not the solution until it is. And it's really very rare to this solution. It really is. It really is about letting things play out as long as no one else is hurt. Stuff is just stuff and we need to do whatever we need to do to be able to just leave

SPEAKER_00

00:15:52

stuff. It's better to remove things around the child than to restrain the child as long as it's possible but then if it's hurting someone else and we cannot do that and we cannot like we cannot keep and or it's the child that is hurting themselves that we need to restrain that child so like to keep them from hurting themselves too bad Like it's okay if it's a bruise, but it can be much more dangerous than that sometimes.

SPEAKER_03

00:16:19

Yes. And, uh, discussed Dr. Althea Soltar, which

SPEAKER_02

00:16:23

SPEAKER_03

00:16:24

know you're going to include.

SPEAKER_03

00:16:26

Yes, yes, yes. She has a book called tears and tantrums. And in that book, she talks about restraining and that is the resource that I recommend. And if you have a child that needs to be restrained, that that is a good source for that because it takes a perspective of it. So we come at it from the right place. We're coming from a place of service, not punishment, not control. It's it's a place of service. I'm serving my child to ensure that they're not a danger to themselves and other people. that is the only reason why I would restrain a kid and even the word restrain the way that she uses it is much more gentle respectful and dignified than you know it's like the stuff that's out there is really bad yeah

SPEAKER_00

00:17:16

and the other

SPEAKER_03

00:17:17

sources it's very it's very punitive restricting controlling, demeaning. And if that is what it is, never the solution to bring any of that to the table. It's

SPEAKER_00

00:17:31

just

SPEAKER_03

00:17:31

not helpful.

SPEAKER_00

00:17:32

Yeah. And it can feel

SPEAKER_03

00:17:33

necessary,

SPEAKER_00

00:17:34

but that's fear and fear. True, true. And I think that's also something that when we come from fear or anger, when we restrain, that's where it can be very dangerous because we come with too much strength. But when we come from what you were saying, a place of supporting the child and being there for them, as we would in any other situation that and we can control our strength, that's where we would be much more able to restrain the child for their need and not for our fear, our needs. That's the big difference. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

00:18:11

Well, and then you bring up and then when we go there, we go into. Okay. So how can I be well enough to bring that to the table?

SPEAKER_00

00:18:18

Yes. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

00:18:21

We're back to the shame. And it's like, this is not only can I not leave this relationship, I am blamed for their behavior, even though, even though I am blamed. Yeah. I am blamed for it. I can't, it's like finding helpful help is really hard. That's why I do this because the help that's there is just not always helpful for sure.

SPEAKER_01

00:18:45

There's not a lot of it

SPEAKER_03

00:18:46

and what I found out there makes me

SPEAKER_00

00:18:49

continue to

SPEAKER_03

00:18:50

offer this even though I enjoy other things too.

SPEAKER_00

00:18:53

Yes, yes it's true and I would say like it's something that we, I've worked with so many parents that had those trouble and what is recommended most of the time is nothing. Like they don't, like lots of people won't get any tool to deal with that other than wait it but sometimes we just can't wait and restraint as a here restraint is something that is very frowned upon and yeah I even add at some point someone told me that we should not suggest to parents to put lock on the door that is not unopenable for the children because that's considered a restraint and it was like what the what the what like Like, making sure a child doesn't leave the house at a certain age. I'm not talking about teenagers. I'm talking about, like, three, four years old that have a tendency to go out the door. The run.

SPEAKER_00

00:19:44

Yep. And we cannot put a lock on the door. That would be considered a restraint and illegal. Like that's absurd. And when the child leaves, you're going to consider being an honorable parent and unresponsible. but sometimes they go very fast and you don't, you're not able to have them in your sight 24 7. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

00:20:05

Well, and the stuff that you're talking about, when we're talking about safety, when it comes to safety, there's no cookie cutter answer. No, every situation is different. And even when you have the same parent and the same child in similar situations, the solution to each of those situations can be different, which is why it is very important to know who you are, know what your values are, know that you're taking care of yourself, knowing that you're available for your kid, and knowing what your options are and trusting, trusting that you're doing the best that you can. And because other people, no matter what you do, are going to have an opinion, no matter what you do, if you go left, there's people gonna be like, And if you go right, they're going to be like, can you believe she did that to throw it out the window? You have to do it.

SPEAKER_03

00:20:58

When you're talking about a kid with behaviors like this, it doesn't matter what you do. Somebody thinks they can do it better.

SPEAKER_00

00:21:05

Yeah. And I would say that's mostly parenting in general anyway, like there's always someone to think that we're not doing the things properly, especially when we have emotionally intense kids, no matter how we deal with what's happening. There's always someone thinking it's your fault and you're not doing things correctly and your kids are acting that way because you're not strict enough. So there's always something somewhere. Someone's thinking bad.

SPEAKER_03

00:21:28

I could go on and on and on and on and on about so many different aspects of the same topic, but I know

SPEAKER_02

00:21:34

that

SPEAKER_03

00:21:34

there's

SPEAKER_00

00:21:35

SPEAKER_03

00:21:35

time restraints, so

SPEAKER_00

00:21:36

yeah, but I would say that's very like. So, to recap a little, basically, it's like, I would say it's treating those moments basically the same as we would any other, is supporting the child and keeping in mind that they're not eating you because they ate you or because they want to hurt you, it's because they're hurting all the time.

SPEAKER_00

00:22:01

It's always going back to that, right? it's it's the same thing. It's just that if someone else's safety is at play, we might need to go to some extreme that we won't go in other moments. So

SPEAKER_03

00:22:18

I'm out in public and the behavior is unsafe, it's time to go home. And that is when that is when it's like it's we have not negotiables. That's we talk about in it's called raising nonviolent children, which the content which is quite along the lines of what we're talking about. If I'm in public, my job is to raise my child to be a safe participant in society. If my child is not going to be a safe participant in society, then I want my child to learn to stay home. Stay home and take care of yourself. Do whatever you need to do so that you can be safe because

SPEAKER_03

00:22:55

society deserves us to be safe. There's a lot going on in the world right now and I can tell you that I am a parent that has a child with a diagnosis code that makes people uncomfortable. Mm

SPEAKER_01

00:23:04

hmm.

SPEAKER_03

00:23:05

Right. And it's just what it is. So you learn, you learn how to raise somebody with who they are not, not anything other than who they are, you know, don't get me wrong, I push, I push my kids beyond their capacity, because I believe that's what a good parent does is they're like, congratulations, you did better the next time. And next time, I sure you could try for more. Oh, you missed the mark. No worries. That's, that's how it works. We try for things that we're not sure if we can achieve because we don't know where our lines are.

SPEAKER_01

00:23:34

You

SPEAKER_03

00:23:35

but if you're unstable,

SPEAKER_01

00:23:38

take

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00:23:39

a break.

SPEAKER_01

00:23:39

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

00:23:41

Go watch Daniel the Tiger. I don't

SPEAKER_03

00:23:42

care how old you are.

SPEAKER_00

00:23:44

And it's definitely also like a great thing to remember as parents because sometimes we are in a situation where we think we cannot leave or we like it's hard to leave but And, or we don't want to like, we want to be there and it's hard to leave a place where we want to be because we haven't seen those people for a while or because we need to talk to other adults. And like, but if we're willing to be honest

SPEAKER_03

00:24:12

with ourselves, if we're willing to be honest, it's harder to say, yeah, true. I hear

SPEAKER_01

00:24:20

you. But if you

SPEAKER_03

00:24:20

really play it through, yeah, it's harder to stay. It's harder on our kids. It's harder

SPEAKER_01

00:24:26

SPEAKER_03

00:24:26

us. you will pay for it. It's harder to stay. And most often we're doing it for somebody's approval.

SPEAKER_00

00:24:35

You

SPEAKER_03

00:24:36

know, because our needs aren't going to get met.

SPEAKER_00

00:24:39

No, it's going to be definitely. Yeah, we think it's going to be like, that's very true. We think it's going to be,

SPEAKER_00

00:24:46

it's a way to meet our needs sometimes to stay in places. But when the child is too disregulated, it's not going to work. Yeah, they're definitely not going to get mad. And it's definitely true. It's hard to reconcile both sometimes, for sure. But it's true, like, and I think it's different. Also, you were saying being out in the world, and there's a difference between making sure that like the society is safe from our children, and safety, and but discomfort Discomfort is not the same as safety. People can be discomfort, like uncomfortable in front of our kids because they're acting differently. They can still be safe, but uncomfortable. And I think that's a big difference also. It is,

SPEAKER_03

00:25:31

you're right. If my kid is not, like, I don't go home for obnoxious behavior, you know what I mean? I go home because of unsafe behavior. That means it's physical harm. And then I let parents decide, you know, personally for us, we have words fit in that category, but it's okay if your child's behavior is so extreme that there isn't room, like it's just, it's just what it is.

SPEAKER_03

00:26:02

Like I help parents of kids with really extreme behaviors, and so we just have to adjust our values to something that's like doable and realistic and allows us to help our child to improve. because if your child is over here and you want them to be way over there, the

SPEAKER_02

00:26:20

demand that they get

SPEAKER_03

00:26:21

from here, it's

SPEAKER_02

00:26:22

a way over there.

SPEAKER_03

00:26:23

It's not good for any, we ain't going to make it.

SPEAKER_02

00:26:26

No, we're not going to make it.

SPEAKER_00

00:26:28

Yeah. Or it's going to take a lot of time. So

SPEAKER_03

00:26:32

you just can't go from here to a mile away. You just got to take it a step at a time, You know, really got to so it's a lot about decisions, perspectives, tons of self -care.

SPEAKER_00

00:26:46

Yeah, we always go back to self -care. I don't think anybody like I think all the guests I talked to talked about self -care. I hope the message is going through because I know how hard it can be, especially when we are dealing with kids that are intense like that. It's very hard, but it still is so essential.

SPEAKER_03

00:27:07

Well, and also if a mother is centered for child's less likely to be like less likely to be unstable, you

SPEAKER_01

00:27:14

know,

SPEAKER_03

00:27:14

cause they come to me

SPEAKER_01

00:27:15

and

SPEAKER_03

00:27:16

then I get to be a source of calm. And if I'm not a source of calm, well, I'm human. So, you know, welcome

SPEAKER_00

00:27:21

SPEAKER_03

00:27:21

Tuesday. It's not, it's just what it is, but it is helpful to know

SPEAKER_03

00:27:26

that if I control myself, it does have a ripple effect on my child. Yeah,

SPEAKER_00

00:27:31

definitely more

SPEAKER_03

00:27:32

than people believe, which is why our perspectives, our mindsets are,

SPEAKER_00

00:27:39

you

SPEAKER_03

00:27:39

know, having realistic values. All of that is something that I can do that has nothing to do with my kid that I can have a positive effect on my child.

SPEAKER_00

00:27:48

Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, it's always the step between like, it's not our fault, but we can help them better by being better ourselves, because it's very hard to deal with a child that's dysregulated when we are not very, very, very well regulated. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

00:28:07

Really quickly, I do want to wrap up with saying that when we leave, not if we leave, but when we leave because we need to, because that's what a responsible parent does. That's how I keep my child and other kids safe for me to stay at an event where my child is incapable of controlling their behavior that is it's unkind because they're not going to do any

SPEAKER_03

00:28:28

better and then we're teaching our children how to survive rather than teaching them how to live. Okay so when we leave no one is in trouble nobody's being punished there's no constant the consequences that we left that's the concept there's no more there's no punishment there's no Well, we could have if we didn't have to leave early because of so -and -so like, no, no, everybody's bummed out that we left. And so when my child says, I wanted to play longer and I go, I wanted you to play longer too, but we hit this point and that's how we know it's time to stop and go take care of ourselves.

SPEAKER_00

00:29:08

Yeah. And that's also something that's totally true for us as parents. And so often we push ourselves way past the limits that we should not. And I think it's great to help teach her kids to just retreat when it's necessary to do so.

SPEAKER_00

00:29:24

When we need to. Yeah, that's a very great wrap up, I think. So thank you very much. Is there anything else you wanted to add before we close?

SPEAKER_02

00:29:34

No, I think like, this is a this is a jam packed little session here with Daniel the

SPEAKER_03

00:29:41

Tiger, Dr. Althea Solter. There's a lot. There's a lot of good stuff in here.

SPEAKER_00

00:29:47

And I definitely need to look up Daniel the Tiger because it's it's you keep talking about that and I've never oh my gosh so you gotta

SPEAKER_03

00:29:54

it's I think the season is called Daniel's big feelings or something like that and even better there's an app yeah

SPEAKER_00

00:30:01

I think I did check once and it's like my kids speak French and I I I don't think it exists in French so that's why we really I think so maybe now sometimes it takes more time but I yeah it reminds me of something. And I think I checked with my older ones speak English now, but not my youngest. And I think we looked at it and I just dismiss it because there was no French

SPEAKER_00

00:30:25

version. But need to check back to like, Oh, there's a

SPEAKER_03

00:30:29

song for every feeling. My kids, my kids break out in song, they break out in song when something is frustrating. And I'm like,

SPEAKER_00

00:30:39

definitely

SPEAKER_00

00:30:39

linking to that too. And where can people find you if they have one of those really, really intense kids that need help from you or because you do other stuff too. So let us know.

SPEAKER_03

00:30:53

Beatingdisaster .com. Like beating, B -E -A -T -I -N -G, disaster, D -I -S -A -S -T -E -R. So beatingdisaster .com.

SPEAKER_03

00:31:01

Also, if you think that you just really need help, you just really need help or you're just not sure, if I can help, we have a fear to focus session. so you can spend some time with me. I'll listen and hear you out because no matter what, it's really nice to have a place to talk to somebody who isn't going to blame or shame or, you know, like, I get it. I get it. So just to be heard, to be heard, I would be more than happy to listen to where you're at, what your concerns are and where you'd like to be and help you get a couple action steps to get there.

SPEAKER_00

00:31:38

Yeah, great. So all the links will, of course, also be in the show notes so people can find you and your social links also, so that people can connect and follow you if they

SPEAKER_00

00:31:49

want more information and more support. So thank you very much for being here, Kerry, today. That was very interesting and I always love to address topics that are not necessarily really talked about that much. So was glad to talk

SPEAKER_02

00:32:06

about it all the time. So

SPEAKER_00

00:32:09

yeah,

SPEAKER_00

00:32:09

I know for you, it must be like, just another day. But I don't think it's something that we address all that much like that. Living violence from our children basically is not something we talk about. And I like in a pre group.

SPEAKER_03

00:32:24

Well, it's hard to use the word violent. I learned that early on like I was okay to say like, No, that's violence because violence prevention is my profession,

SPEAKER_01

00:32:32

but a lot of people go,

SPEAKER_03

00:32:33

my child's not violent. And we're like, well, they're hitting and kicking and biting and spitting.

SPEAKER_00

00:32:39

It's kind of violent to some extent. Yeah. It's not because they're not doing it on purpose that it's not violent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

00:32:45

Well, and it's communication. People don't appreciate it, but violence is communication too. So, you know,

SPEAKER_00

00:32:51

true. We, we give meaning to some words for sure, but thanks for, Thanks for bringing me back, because you're true. This is totally right. Some people might be really put off by that word.

SPEAKER_00

00:33:04

So, yeah. So thank you again for being here. It was really nice talking to you.

SPEAKER_02

00:33:09

Always. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00

00:33:15

I'm so glad you joined me today and took that time out of your intense life to focus on finding a new way to parent that works for you and your kids. To get the episodes as soon as they drop, make sure to subscribe to the podcast. And please leave everything in review so other parents can find it too. Also check out all the free resources on my website at familymoments .ca so you can take action on what's the most important for you right now. And take a deep breath, keep going, we're all in this together.

SPEAKER_00

00:33:54

You